Teeny Tiny Tales Presents...The Castaways - Conclusion. was made by ManMan (hopefully HTML-exorcised by HH) on 2/27/2003 at 7:00:14 PM. It was made in response to Teeny Tiny Tales Presents.... posted by ManMan on 2/27/2003 at 5:15:26 PM.
The group surrounding him and the smouldering ashes of their former leader disbanded into several small groups, excited whispers exchanged between them.
"Browning, what the devil's going on?" the arch villain demanded.
"It seems they're a little perturbed by the death of their chieftain," the butler reported. "They didn't expect him to die, sir."
"I did," the Thighmaster smirked.
Browning listened closely to nearest group of jabbering pygmies. "Interesting..." he noted.
"What?" Thighmaster asked him, he was getting more annoyed, Europe and world domination seemed -literally in one case- thousands of miles away.
"It seems that the death of their Moppo sanctioned leader has caused some of the more intellectual clan members to question the existence of Moppo Himself," explained the butler.
Thighmaster studied his nails more closely; he decided a manicure was needed. "What? Yes...of course...it obvious!" the villain blustered. Sometimes it was easier to fake intelligence rather than to bother paying attention.
The pygmy groups became more vocal in their talking, some were now shouting and gesturing wildly, small scuffles occurred and eventually the several smaller groups formed two bigger ones.
Thighmaster frowned. "What's going on?"
"By the destruction of their leader, various elements in the pygmy clan have decided upon the non-existence of their god, Moppo. Other pygmies disagree, some quite vehemently, sir."
The villain boiled it all down. "We've...started a...Holy war?"
"I think so, sir," agreed the butler.
The Thighmaster looked at the several hundred stick-wielding savages about to slaughter one another in the name of something that didn't exist. "Should be quite exciting!" he enthused.
"What are you doing?" the villain asked him.
"I thought that this might be an excellent subject for my third book sir," replied the butler.
"Third book?"
"Yes sir."
"What were the other two?"
"Who is God? a philosophical discourse into the question that has plagued mankind, that was my debut, sir."
"What about the second book?"
"Ahh," the butler beamed. "A jaunty novel chronicling 2 rambunctious hustlers in their attempts to escape from the navy.”
Thighmaster huffed. “What was that called?”
“Love in All the Wrong Places,” replied Browning.
Before the villain could speak, a small mountain opposite them exploded with a large, guttural roar.
When the rains came and destroyed his hut, he silently cursed Moppo and when he didn’t die (as it said he would in the sacred carvings) he knew that God didn’t exist. When his beloved chief died at the hands of an infidel, and others too believed in the non-existence of Moppo, Lollo was sure that this signalled an unrivalled change in the history of his people, a change that would bring about an intellectual revolution that, naturally, he would lead.
Browning nodded. “Yes sir.”
“And he’s that 100ft tall, pink, hairy monster stomping the little savages into the sand?” the villain asked, admiringly.
“Yes sir,” repeated the butler.
A smile crept across the lips of the Thighmaster. “I wonder if he’s ever been to Europe?”
“I advise against trying to communicate with Moppo, sir,” offered his loyal manservant.
“Nonsense!” snorted the villain. “He’s evil, isn’t he? I’m his evil superior. He should work for me, if he doesn’t....I’ll give him a taste of laser.” The Thighmaster waved his arms and shouted toward Moppo.
“You killed the leader of their tribe, sir,” explained the butler.
“And...?” The Thighmaster waved some more. “HEY! YOU!”
“He was probably the spiritual leader also,” continued Browning.
“So...?” snapped the villain. “HEY MOPPO! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE SOME SERIOUS CASHOLA?”
“Let me try and explain myself further sir, if someone melted your biggest fan, wouldn’t you be furious?” asked the butler.
“One easily made sir,” consoled Browning.
“You think a laser blast would-?” the villain offered optimistically.
“Doubtful sir,” advised the butler.
“Then let’s run,” The Thighmaster decided. “Run as fast as anybody being chased by a 100ft tall monster has ever ran.” The duo set off.
“Where to, sir?” asked the butler, mid-stride.
“The Hover pad,” decided the villain. “I’m sure there’s a few miles left in her yet, if she crashes into the sea, you‘ll have to be my life raft.”
“Look!” cried the Thighmaster. “A ship!”
“An ocean liner sir,” agreed Browning. “I think we can make it.”
“Excellent...” the Thighmaster sneered as he thought about taking the ship from the captain and sailing his way back to Europe...
Teeny Tiny Tales Presents...The Castaways - Conclusion.
"Well?" The Thighmaster asked the pygmies impatiently. "Where's Europe?"
----
Something wasn't right. He didn't feel the love. He felt a tangible absence of worship. This made him pissed.
----
"Go on then!" goaded the Thighmaster. "I'm sure he called your mother tall!" He turned and grinned at the butler sitting next to him. They'd taken up prime location on a large dune to overlook the fight that was about to break out. Browning had taken a notepad and pen and was furiously making shorthand notes.
----
Lollo Bongo was 17 years old, married and was the proud owner of 5 children. Throughout his adolescent years (8-11), he’d shown an interest in theology, he questioned the existence of Moppo when everyone else sacrificed crops and virgins to Him.
It didn’t help.
----
“Moppo’s real then?” suggested the Thighmaster.
----
Moppo roared angrily when he saw them. They made him even more pissed.
----
“Ahh. I’ve...uh, made quite a mistake then,” conceded the Thighmaster as the island God stomped heavily toward them.
----
Browning quickly checked the hover-pad’s condition, apart from being buried in sand, it hadn’t any more damage than when he fixed it, he just needed a power source. “May I borrow your laser-gun sir?”
Thighmaster ignored him, the spot where the hover pad had crashed was overgrown and Moppo hadn’t seen them yet, although he was bound to; an island is a mighty small place for a 100ft tall monster, the villain concluded.
The butler took the gun anyway. “Thank you, sir,” he added. Through a complex series of twigs and machine parts, the hover pad spluttered into life.
----
Moppo looked around for the pair of intruders, quickly decided that had left, became even more pissed and started to stomp the believers.
----
The hover pad fluttered uneasily as it made it’s way slowly across the ocean. “I’m not sure if your gun will last much longer sir,” observed the butler. “A mile or two at best.”
But of course, that’s another story...
THE END.